How About a Do-Over?

In the United States, we have a term we use when we get to repeat an action without suffering any penalty for the previous action. It's called a "do-over." Perhaps this term is used elsewhere, I wouldn't know. I know little about the rest of the world, really. But I'm going to learn, that's for sure.

If you're unfamiliar with the term, here's an example. Let's say I tee up my ball in golf, take a swing and totally whiff it. Only the force of the air -- strengthened by a ferocious swing that makes contact with nothing solid -- knocks the ball off the tee. If I'm playing a real match, I'm out of luck. If I'm playing with friends for fun, I might get a do-over. That means I don't have to take a stroke for it. I'm allowed to put the ball back on the tee, take a couple of practice swings (again), step up and position myself for yet another tee shot during which, I hope, I'll actually make contact with the little dimpled white sphere and send it flying straight down the fairway. 

With a tried-and-true do-over, you suffer no consequences from your failed first attempt. You get to pretend the first try (and its devastating results) never happened. Imagine a life where everything you try and fail qualified for a do-over. How much happier we might be, and how much braver we might be in making the first attempt.

A do-over allows us to move forward without the penalty of error. But the value of a do-over exceeds the lack of penalty. We gain the benefit of learning from our mistake. How great! I whiff the drive and get to start over, but I know that I straightened my legs too much or bent my arms too much and that's why I missed the first time. With a do-over, I get a free pass to try again without consequence but with the benefit of knowing what I did wrong the first time.

I want a do-over with my life. I want the benefit of starting over without the penalty of my mistakes; however, I also want the benefit of knowing my errors so I can correct my swing and hit a hole-in-one. I want it all. Who doesn't?

Without getting into any of the gory details, I recently closed the door on a marriage to a spouse who thought the grass was greener elsewhere. I held on for as long as I could to no avail. At some point, you really have to pick yourself up, dust yourself off and keep moving. The million-dollar question is, "where?" 

When you get married, you start charting the course of your life -- careers, homes, children, retirement -- all the stuff of dreams. So, what do you do when you find yourself on the backside of your 40s with nothing to show for it? Disillusion is hell. And if your marriage involves more than two people, your confidence takes an incredible beating. I'm not sure how others handle the situation, but I spent a lot of time -- years, in fact -- trying to hold on to something that no longer existed. Hanging on seemed to be easier that starting over. That is, until something inside shatters and you wonder if you will ever recover.

So, I finally decided it was time to come up with new dreams. Maybe that's why people, like me, who suffer from depression, try to spend so much time sleeping. We aren't depressed. We're simply trying to dream a new dream to replace the one that's lying in tatters under the bed. But one day, I berated myself for whining and asked myself instead, "If you could do anything in life, what would you do?" My answer came remarkably quickly. I want to write and run a bed and breakfast. My do-over began. 

Of course, that was the easy part....